To go home and leave it at the same time

I have for many years now stated (based upon my own and others experiences) that the hardest part of moving abroad is to come back. Whether it was planned or unexpected, getting back home never gets you back where you were before you left. You might not notice it while you in the middle of it but by living  somewhere else for a while changes you on a fundamental level. Home might have changed too, people might have changed, but mostly; your view of “home” and “people” is in someway suddenly not quite the same.

This week a dear friend and my only compatriot here in Budapest had to make a very hard decision in which I did my best to support her but tough decisions are painful either way they go.  She eventually got on a flight back “home” for a undefinite time, maybe forever. It of course triggered memories of the returns of my own that I’ve had in the past but also reflections on what would happen if I would be forced – or choose for that matter- to return one day?  I already know I have changed but I can not know to which extent until it get measured against everyday life back where I was born. I made my choice to move away a long time ago and in the process, intentionally as well as unintentionally, a lot of strings were cut. And maybe, for each little leap time takes, strings weaken, bonds fade and places changes into unrecognition. But it’s a choice I made and maybe it is also the way that washes the gold from the sand. What’s left is pure. Christmas is coming up and I hope it’s not too late for me to re-strengthen some of my bonds back home home. Allthough my real home is here now I’m curious on how I will look upon my years of relocating once I get a bit older (and hopefully wiser). Will I ever stop changing and will the places I’ve been to always keep as strong impressions in my heart as they have now?  

“Maybe our mistakes are what makes our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life, and people go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.”

Probably the best quote that has ever come out from an American TV-serie on this subject.

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